Hi this is rib reporting for the story team. These are the notes thusfar of our story:
Dawn breaks
Scene illuminating from dark
gardener surveying land
framing robot and gardener
starts robot
gardener hands robot shovel / motions to garden and tubes (gives robot push)
pan down from tree
exit shed
gardener works on plants elsewhere / robot begin digging
cut to robot diging carelessly (mechanically)
over the shoulder of robot -> zoom out to gardener facing camera
gardener shrugs
cut to gardener get hit by lump of dirt
gardener goes to stop robot ("slow it down there")
New day/time
Robot and gardener place pipes (gardener has schematic and tells/points robot directions)
robot overdoes connecting pipes (quick)
cut to gardener face (raises eyebrow)
new vignette
gardener teaches robot how to plant sapling
Robot plants saplings (robot fails at patting dirt around sapling)
new vignette
gardener demonstrates how to prune and goes off
robot over-prunes and leaves fly everywhere / gardener comforts robot ("sometimes things like that happen in life") / robot is dejected
Gardener and robot enter shed for new sapling
(Upon leaving with new saplings) Robot recognizes photo of gardener and stops
Gardener puts sapling down and does significant (characteristic) gesture
robot recognizes from photo / robot makes connection (fade)
Robot performs (series ofprevious tasks) better
Gardener gives appreciation (two thumbs up)
Robot recognizes growth of garden (connection to saplings)
cut to both surveying garden (reference tree)
Gardener motions to robot / shuts off robot (fade)
cut to robot face
slow zoom out to view robot's head
robot recognizes dome on head
cut to robot and gardener at gate / opens gates
robot takes a few steps / turns around Gardener gives him a push
Credits vignettes:
robot walks through desert / finds a stream...
final vignette: robot and gardener posed in reference to photo in shed
end
Note: my /'s do not mean and/or, they are merely divisions
If I left anything out or if you want to edit something leave a comment or come talk to me.
Developing nicely - I think the most successful of the vignettes is the one with the saplings. It's not the robot's clumsiness that matters - but rather his initial lack of sensitivity to the garden and it's inhabitants. The digging and pipe-fitting are logical - but don't capture the poetic spirit of your story as completely. I would try to simplify these as well - perhaps focusing on smaller, simpler tasks.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this Ric. Sorry I couldn't comment on it sooner. I think it covers the bases. In regards to Joseph's comments, we were trying to get words on paper, so to speak. Just at least have placeholder ideas so the the important things in the story could be fleshed out a bit more.
ReplyDelete